“Gray Divorce” and The Collaborative Approach

Gray Divorce refers to the increasing trend of couples aged 50 and older choosing to end their marriages. This phenomenon has become more prevalent in recent decades, reflecting shifts in societal norms.

Current Statistics on Gray Divorce

The rate of divorce among adults aged 50 and older has seen a significant rise. Between 1990 and 2021, divorce rates for those over 45 increased, as rates for those under 45 decreased. The divorce rate for those 65 and older tripled from 1990 to 2021.[1]

In my own divorce practice, I have seen an increase in the number of “older” couples seeking divorce. It was somewhat rare to have a divorce client over the age of 55 or 60 in the late 90s and early 2000s. Now I have many clients over the age of 50. Having represented many people over 50 and being almost 60 myself, I have a good understanding of what motivates many of my clients to decide that divorce is an option. The realization that most of my clients’ parents or grandparents would never have viewed divorce as an option is not lost on this generation of clients who can see options for their futures.

Think about how society has changed since many of these couples were married roughly 40-50 years ago. Divorce is not as taboo as it once was and is tolerated by most communities. Think about how women have gained financial independence since the 1970s. Think about how young most people were who married and had children prior to 1980. The US Census tracks statistics on the rising age of people getting marriage from 1890-2024. The chart below shows the steady increase in age over the years. The divorce risk is greater the younger you are when you get married. [2] Think about the differences between grandparents in 1970 versus grandparents in 2024. There are now dating and match-making services for people 55 years and older.[3] People are living longer, healthier lives and the idea of “living your best life” may mean breaking away from a relationship that felt like a moral or societal obligation 40, 50, or even 60 years ago.

These shifts in our society give people the freedom to remove themselves from toxic or unfulfilling marriages. There is also a shift in the field of divorce and family law to a new alternative dispute resolution known as, Collaborative Divorce.

Understanding Collaborative Law

Collaborative Practice provides you with a different way to divorce. Participating in the collaborative process gives you the opportunity to resolve your conflict without having to resort to financially and emotionally expensive litigation. Collaborative Practice is a cost-effective, problem-solving approach that can minimize the impact of conflict on you and your family. You will be supported by professionals with the right expertise to guide and inform you along the way. The results are legally binding agreements that resolve the issues facing your family. With the information and guidance, you need, you are empowered to make the sound, long-lasting decisions that will impact you and your family for years. The Collaborative Practice process preserves your privacy and your dignity while giving you the best possible chance at resolving your disputes respectfully.

Collaborative Practice includes the assistance of a mental health professional dedicated to helping you and your spouse recognize the importance of communicating effectively and respectfully and to assist you in making thoughtful decisions about you and your spouse’s shared future with your children and your individual future as single parent. Even when your family law dispute does not involve children, the assistance of a counselor, communication coach, or other mental health professional trained in Collaborative Practice will lessen the stress and emotional impact of the conflict and help you and your spouse, ex-spouse or partner focus on making sound, thoughtful decisions with mutual respect and dignity.

Collaborative Practice may also include the assistance of a financial professional dedicated to assisting your family in navigating the unforeseen and sometimes complex financial issues that arise because of divorce. Untangling the family finances, distributing assets and debts are a necessary part of every divorce and can cause a great deal of stress for both parties. A financial professional trained in the Collaborative Practice process is a neutral expert uniquely equipped to provide you and your spouse the guidance you need to resolve the financial aspects of your divorce.

Benefits of Collaborative Law in Gray Divorce

For individuals undergoing a gray divorce, the Collaborative Practice approach offers several advantages. This approach fosters a more respectful and peaceful dissolution, which is particularly beneficial for couples who have shared many years together.

Since the process is client focused and centered around joint solutions and options, it gives couples the freedom to explore creative solutions tailored for their specific family dynamic.  Often, older couples have significant retirement assets and may already be receiving retirement benefits such as pensions and mandatory retirement distributions. Their financial needs can be addressed by a financial neutral who can assist in dividing the assets in a way that benefits both parties after retirement.

Divorce litigation can be lengthy and expensive. Timing in the Collaborative Process is based upon the couples’ timeline and not a court’s availability or deadlines. Thus, in additional to retaining control over your case, the couple can generally expect a Collaborative Divorce to take less time and therefore cost less money.  

Divorce litigation can also be emotionally draining. Ending a long-term marriage carries many years of grief, guilt, and resentment.  Your Collaborative Practice team will include a neutral mental health professional. The neutral professional can help the couple navigate the divorce process and the joint meetings.

Gray divorce is more common and the challenges of divorcing at an older age can best be met using the Collaborative Practice approach. The Collaborative approach gives couples the financial and emotional support they need to transition into the next chapter with peace and dignity.

If you would like to learn more about Collaborative Divorce, please visit the Memphis Collaborative Divorce Alliance at: https://collaborativedivorcememphis.org/. Divorce With Respect Week ™ is March 3-7, 2025. It is a nationwide initiative to educate couples on the Collaborative Divorce option.  Please visit our website for more information.

Lynette Boyd

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